“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love?’ These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will be many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.”
Henri J.M. Nouwen
The internationally renowned priest and author, respected professor and beloved pastor Henri Nouwen wrote 39 books on the spiritual life. He corresponded regularly in English, Dutch, German, French and Spanish with hundreds of friends and reached out to thousands through his Eucharistic celebrations, lectures and retreats. Since his death in 1996, ever-increasing numbers of readers, writers, teachers and seekers have been guided by his literary legacy. Nouwen’s books have sold over 8 million copies and been published in over 28 languages.
Born in Nijkerk, Holland, on January 24, 1932, Nouwen felt called to the priesthood at a very young age. He was ordained in 1957 as a diocesan priest and studied psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen. In 1964 he moved to the United States to study at the Menninger Clinic. He went on to teach at the University of Notre Dame, and the Divinity Schools of Yale and Harvard. For several months during the 1970s, Nouwen lived and worked with the Trappist monks in the Abbey of the Genesee, and in the early 1980s he lived with the poor in Peru. In 1985 he was called to join L’Arche in Trosly, France, the first of over 100 communities founded by Jean Vanier where people with developmental disabilities live with assistants. A year later Nouwen came to make his home at L’Arche Daybreak near Toronto, Canada. He died suddenly on September 21st, 1996, in Holland and is buried in Richmond Hill, Ontario.
Nouwen believed that what is most personal is most universal; he wrote,
“By giving words to these intimate experiences I can make my life available to others.”
“I wanted to know how we could integrate the life of Christ in our daily concerns. I was always trying to articulate what I was dealing with. I thought that if it was very deep, it might also be something other people were struggling with. It was based on the idea that what is most personal might be the more universal.”
His spirit lives on in the work of the Henri Nouwen Society, Henri Nouwen Stichting, the Henri Nouwen Trust, the Henri J. M. Nouwen Archives and Research Collection, and in all who live the spiritual values of communion, community and ministry, to which he dedicated his life.
Nouwen’s Family Background
Nouwen’s mother, Maria Huberta Helena Ramselaar (1906 – 1978), studied English, Italian, Norwegian, French, Latin and Greek. For many years she was supervisor of the Bookkeeping Department in the family business. She is fondly remembered as being warm, welcoming and religious. In 1978 she came to the United States with her husband to visit Henri and while there was diagnosed with cancer. She returned home immediately and died three weeks later. Her sudden death had a profound impact on Nouwen’s life.
Nouwen’s father, Laurent Jean Marie Nouwen (1903 – 1997), was known for his expertise in tax law. He worked for the government for 16 years as inspector of registration and public property. During the Second World War he entered private practice as an advocate at The Hague. He was later named professor of notarial and fiscal law at the Catholic University of Nijmegen. Nouwen’s father outlived his firstborn son by less than one and a half years, dying in 1997.
Nouwen would often say, “I grew up in a very protected and safe environment and I learned to know that I was Dutch and I was Catholic. It took me quite a long time to discover that there were people, many people, who were neither!” As a youth he experienced the Second World War as dangerous and exciting rather than comprehending its deep significance. At times he had to bicycle into the country in search of food for the family. At other times he helped hide his father from German soldiers.
Nouwen was a good student. He expressed his desire to become a priest at age six. His maternal grandmother had a child-size altar and vestments made for him, so he could “celebrate” the Eucharist with his siblings and playmates in the attic of their home.
When Nouwen was older, he spoke about the two voices that he heard as a child. The voice of his mother praised and affirmed him as he was, and called him always to love Jesus. The voice of his father, proud of his accomplishments, encouraged and challenged him to become a better and more successful person. Nouwen commented that he lived the first part of his life listening more to the voice of his father, and the second listening more to the voice of his mother.
Nouwen was educated by the Jesuits at the Aloysius Gymnasium at The Hague. He decided that he would not become a Jesuit priest because it required too much study. After secondary school he took one year in the minor seminary in Apeldoorn, where his uncle, Toon, was president. He studied for six years in the major seminary in Rijsenburg/Driebergen and was ordained a priest for the diocese of Utrecht on July 21st, 1957, by Archbishop Bernard Alfrink.
Nouwen was interested in pastoral ministry, and he knew that the comparatively new discipline of psychology was important despite the fact that Church circles felt it undermined faith. Immediately after ordination, Nouwen was granted further study in psychology at the University of Nijmegen, where he spent six years. During this time he also worked briefly as a pastor in the mines, a chaplain in the army, and a chaplain on the Holland-America Line, accompanying immigrants to the United States. He graduated as a psychologist in 1963.
Encouraged by the well-known psychologist Gordon Allport, Nouwen applied for a fellowship at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas, in the Religion and Psychiatry Program. He spent two years there, from 1964 to 1966, working in clinical pastoral education, research and writing. He hoped to introduce the combination of psychology and theology pioneered at Menninger into a religious education program in The Netherlands.
Nouwen also grew more politically aware during this period, participating in Martin Luther King’s great civil rights march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama. He wrote a moving account of his experience in a Dutch publication, Sjaloom, in October 1965.
Nouwen accepted an invitation to teach psychology at the University of Notre Dame in 1966 and spent two years there. He developed courses in pastoral theology that reflected his knowledge of psychology. His first two books came out of this period.
In 1968 Nouwen returned to The Netherlands to teach pastoral psychology and spirituality and once again recognized his preference for theology. He pursued a doctorate in theology, which he received in 1971. These studies confirmed his passion for educating in pastoral ministry.
Nouwen spent ten fruitful years (1971 – 1981) at Yale Divinity School and became a fellow at the Ecumenical Institute at Collegeville, Minnesota. This study opened him to men and women of other faiths. He also spent five months as a scholar at the North American College in Rome, where he wrote Clowning in Rome.
In 1983 he accepted a part-time professorship at Harvard Divinity School. Meanwhile, he crisscrossed North America on speaking tours about conditions in Latin America. This was a painful time because his energies were scattered and he was unable to feel at home either as a professor at Harvard or as a ‘missionary’ to the South. He resigned from Harvard in 1985.
At the invitation of his Menninger colleague Dr. John Santos, Nouwen joined the new psychology department at Notre Dame. He taught pastoral theology, served as priest to the academic community, offered counseling and made many lasting friendships. He was the first professor to teach abnormal psychology at this university and the first to invite Protestant psychology professors to give lectures.
This period launched Nouwen’s teaching career and his fruitful writing career. His lectures on themes of depression, intimacy and love were well attended and drew the attention of a journalist from the National Catholic Reporter who requested permission to publish one of the lectures. The positive response led to publication of his first book, Intimacy: Essays in Pastoral Psychology, in 1969.
When Yale Divinity School invited Nouwen to teach there in 1971, he accepted with conditions. He would not have to write a dissertation, and he would receive tenure after three years and full professorship within five years. He also wanted to be free to write without restrictions. Over the next ten years, Nouwen’s classes became some of the most popular on campus. This period was very fruitful – he made many good friends, was beloved by his students and began to publish prolifically. His widely read books The Wounded Healer, Reaching Out and The Way of the Heart, among others, date from these years.
During this time Nouwen also discovered solitude by twice spending about seven months living as a monk in the Trappist Monastery of the Genesee in New York State. He wrote about this experience in The Genesee Diary. And Nouwen’s mother died during this time. He wrote compellingly about her death and the gift of her life in In Memoriam and A Letter of Consolation.
In the late 1970s Nouwen became interested in the political and theological developments that were so deeply affecting the poor in Central and South America. He decided to leave Yale in 1981 to spend six months discerning whether to join the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers to live with and serve the poor in Peru. Although this proved not to be his calling, his visits to the South expanded his worldview and deepened his engagement with social justice. During this period he wrote the journal iGracias! and Love in a Fearful Land, about Father Francis Rother, a missionary priest from Oklahoma City who was murdered by a Guatemalan death squad in 1981, and his friend Father John Vesey who continued Fr. Rother’s work for a short time in Santiago Atitlan, Guatemala.
In 1983 Nouwen accepted a position at Harvard Divinity School that required him to teach only one semester per year. This arrangement allowed him to continue to travel to Latin America and to lecture in North America, offering a ‘reverse mission’ by which those in the developed North could learn from those in the developing South.
Despite Nouwen’s popularity at Harvard, he was not happy there. He found it a very ambitious, competitive environment and yearned for community. He wrote:
“After twenty-five years of priesthood, I found myself praying poorly, living somewhat isolated from other people, and very much preoccupied with burning issues . . . I woke up one day with the realization that I was living in a very dark place and that the term ‘burnout’ was a convenient psychological translation for a spiritual death.”
Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership (New York: Crossroad Publishing Company, 1989), 10-11.
So in 1985 Nouwen resigned from Harvard and went to stay at the L’Arche community in Trosly, France.
Home in L’Arche
A chance meeting with Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche, an international movement of communities that welcome people with disabilities, inspired Nouwen to spend a year writing in the original L’Arche community in Trosly-Breuil, France. He felt at home there and in 1986 accepted an invitation to become pastor for the L’Arche community of Daybreak in Richmond Hill, north of Toronto, Canada.
Daybreak was his homecoming. He lived in one of the homes and was asked to help Adam Arnett, a man with a severe disability, with his morning routine. Nouwen’s book Adam, God’s Beloved describes how Adam became his friend, his teacher and his guide.
After recovering from a severe depression, Nouwen began to experience perhaps his deepest fulfillment as priest, friend, author, lecturer and mentor. He gave countless talks and retreats, welcomed hundreds of people for counsel and still found time to write. Whenever he traveled or lectured, he invited a core member (person with a disability) to accompany him as a co-facilitator. His contribution to the spirituality of L’Arche was as profound as the transformation he experienced at Daybreak.
En route to Russia to do a documentary about Rembrandt’s painting of the Prodigal Son, Nouwen suffered a heart attack in The Netherlands. He died on Saturday, September 21, 1996. There were two funeral services, one in Utrecht, The Netherlands, and the other near Daybreak. Nouwen is buried in Richmond Hill, Ontario, close to his beloved Daybreak community.
Henri Nouwen is buried in St. John’s Cemetery in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada. It is about 4 miles (6.5 km) north of Major Mackenzie Drive on the east side of Yonge Street.
Henri’s wish was for his grave to be close to the graves of his beloved Daybreak community members. He rests among dear friends Bill, Carol, Rosie and Peter in the south/east section of the cemetery.
The date of Henri’s death, September 21st (1996), is also the International Day of Peace.
Henri Nouwen was a spiritual thinker, a synthesist and one of the first in our time, along with Thomas Merton, to consciously develop a “theology of the heart” and to lay this down as a template for both clergy and lay persons. Henri had an unusual capacity to write about the life of Jesus and the love of God in ways that have inspired countless people to trust God more fully.
He showed, and continues to show, a generation of ministers, teachers and seekers how one’s gifts are to be placed at the service of those whom God places in our path. He gives us a model for building the kinds of relationships and communities that will allow each person to find his or her personal mission.
As Merton before him, Henri always stressed the relational. He writes very directly about our contemporary longings for meaning, belonging, and intimacy and, at the same time, integrates this with a powerful vision of service and social justice. Fr. Nouwen often used the three core themes of solitude, community, and compassion to help people enter into a fresh vision of the spiritual life.
“I believe you can look at solitude, community, and ministry as three disciplines by which we create space for God. If we create space in which God can act and speak, something surprising will happen. You and I are called to these disciplines if we want to be disciples.” – Henri J. M. Nouwen
What is the historical impact of Henri Nouwen?
There continues to be a deep resonance between Henri Nouwen and the North American psyche. Over thirty years, Henri Nouwen wrote over 40 books on the spiritual life. He corresponded regularly in English, Dutch, German, French and Spanish with hundreds of friends and reached out to thousands through his Eucharistic celebrations, lectures and retreats. Since his death in 1996, ever-increasing numbers of readers, writers, teacher and seekers have been guided by his literary legacy. Nouwen’s books have sold over 2 million copies and been published in over 22 languages.
The August 23, 2003 edition of the Christian Century magazine reports on a study commissioned by Duke Divinity School’s Pulpit and Pew project, and conducted by the National Opinion Research Centre at the University of Chicago. Both mainline Protestant and Catholic clergy named Nouwen as the author they most often read, other than the Bible, in their work as pastors. Notables as respected and diverse as UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, U.S. Senator Hillary Rodman Clinton, and TV’s Fred Rogers (“Mister Roger’s Neighborhood”) have publicly acknowledged the considerable influence that Nouwen’s writing has had on them personally.
Nouwen ranks as one of the most significant spiritual leaders of our time. Nouwen was a priest, academic, psychologist, teacher, author, gifted public speaker, spiritual member, faithful correspondent and friend, wounded healer and a passionate seeker. With an uncanny ease he moved in and out of these different roles, never allowing himself to be fully contained or categorized. In so doing he showed, and continues to show, a generation of ministers, teachers and seekers how one’s gifts are to be placed at the service of those whom God places in our path.
Nouwen was a spiritual thinker, a synthesis and one of the first in our time, along with Thomas Merton, to consciously develop a “theology of the heart” and to lay this down as a template for both clergy and lay persons. Nouwen, as Merton before him, always stressed the relational. He writes very directly about our contemporary longings for meaning, belonging, and intimacy and, at the same time, integrates this with a powerful vision of service and social justice. Nouwen often used the three core themes of solitude, community, and compassion to help people enter into a fresh vision of the spiritual life.
“To pray, that is, to listen to the voice of the One who calls us the “beloved”, is to learn that that voice excludes no one. Where I dwell, God dwells with me and where God dwells with me I find all my sisters and brothers. And so intimacy with God and solidarity with all people are two aspects of dwelling in the present moment that can never be separated.”
Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not, ‘How can we hide our wounds?’ so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but ‘How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.
When I trust deeply that today God is truly with me and holds me safe in a divine embrace, guiding every one of my steps I can let go of my anxious need to know how tomorrow will look, or what will happen next month or next year. I can be fully where I am and pay attention to the many signs of God’s love within me and around me.
Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
It is in solitude that we discover that being is more important than having and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts.
In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended but a gift to be shared.
Pay attention to the people God puts in your path if you want to discern what God is up to in your life.
For Jesus, there are no countries to be conquered, no ideologies to be imposed, no people to be dominated. There are only children, women and men to be loved.
You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking.
A simple-minded, simple-eyed commitment to God is all that counts,” Nouwen wrote. “We will never overcome the demons by analyzing them, but only by forgetting them in an all-consuming love for God. God is simple, demons are complex. Demons like to be analyzed, because that keeps our attention directed to them. God wants to be loved.
The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.